For Teenagers

I collapsed in a blur of Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness.... again. And again. Smashing Pumpkins seemed to challenge my angst to its highest high and my sadness to the deepest deaths. These are the days that blur the most. These are the days where I don't have a body until I am forced to look into a mirror while "Zero" is played constantly as something of an outcry of "Look what you're doing to me, MOM! Look at all of YOU! Living down right LIES! I hate you! I hate all of you!" And mentally I kick and I scream and I cuss and cut at everything and anything that crosses my path.

This is for us teenagers. We are tired, driven to sadness saying that this is just a phase, this is just a normal thing. What do they know? Our parents? When they say they've fucking been there have they really been there before? Or had they just seen it on TV. They expect us to be perfect all the time when its not possible. "Make good grades!" When they themselves did not make good grades in high school. Hypocrites. I'm sick of them.

I'm sick of everything. If I dropped off the face of the earth I probably wouldn't care. My life isn't bad. My life isn't awful as some poor souls are, no. This problem of normal teenage angst (please.) is all on the inside.

"1979" and the rage is cooled down to an icy stare into emptiness. The fingers that strangled my insides let go, leaving sad caresses and then I almost miss them. Almost. Now my only function seems to be to wither away in the room that I made dark, to fit for my mood. Just laying on the floor, curled up in a ball, the same sad song of the day stuck on repeat as if it shows us no end.

Parents say we "grow out of it." This rage and sadness. But do we really? Or are we just digging a pit deeper and deeper? The days bluer now as Summer takes her sweet time in coming. The days blur into Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness.