Friday, July 29, 2011
I Really Need...
I know that needs are different from wants but... I feel like I need this to happen. I find myself laying in bed thinking about the moment when I'll see The Cure. I know, to some it's just a band, but they're more than that to me. You know this if you know me. As I lay there I get a lump in my throat and I start to shake all over, but soon enough it passes. But, a thought occured to me as I laid there. It's a simple question really. What if they don't play Pictures Of You? At first my mind reacted with "They HAVE to!" And they do, I think. Well, I don't know. They don't have to play anything they don't want to. I feel as if though, I'd be physically sick if I didn't hear it. They need to play Pictures Of You so I can finally grow up and admit that Robert Smith never has and never will love me, as cruel as it sounds.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Homeward
It's nights like this that hold a charm for me.
Quiet and serenity.
Folk music streams with sleepy eyed schemes.
Starry hearts, louder heart in harmony.
Homeward bound.
Waiting for the winter.
The soft gentle winters.
Summer is strong now.
And my dreams dangle in the ceiling fan.
I am homeward bound.
Strumming on a six string is where I am to be.
Emptiness and harmony, I am homeward bound.
Quiet and serenity.
Folk music streams with sleepy eyed schemes.
Starry hearts, louder heart in harmony.
Homeward bound.
Waiting for the winter.
The soft gentle winters.
Summer is strong now.
And my dreams dangle in the ceiling fan.
I am homeward bound.
Strumming on a six string is where I am to be.
Emptiness and harmony, I am homeward bound.
The Story Of Ordinary Morgan
Once upon a time, there was Ordinary Morgan. Ordinary Morgan was a quiet, middle-aged, working man. He has a wife and three kids. He doesn't sleep much on the account of a terrible, throbbing pain in his head. Sometimes he'll stay up in the loft of their little row house and read from a book of children stories. As Ordinary Morgan was trying to escape from the nine-to-five, six-o-clock-sharp-dinners, and his wife and her constant begging. She is blamed for his slow love. There were heavy bags under his eyes, from lack of sleep. He slides in between the sheets, feeling hot, sick, and trapped only to wake up at what feels like five minutes later. It's six-o-clock now. "Put on the monkey suit like a good boy..." his conditions echo off the walls of his brain. He hears his three kids pounce down the stairs in their little school shoes. His head throbs harder. Soon enough he is dressed and seated down to eggs at the family table. How he dreads seeing their faces each morning and evening. Georgie, the oldest, with her straight brown hair, delicate and well refined. Morgan likes Georgie best simply because she knows that Daddy is a very sad man indeed and would like to be left alone. The other two? Who are they? He can't recall the names, or care quiet frankly. He tries to read the paper but all he can see on the page are red lines. Clock strikes seven. At last. Today is a different day for Ordinary Morgan. He hugs and kisses each of his children goodbye and it seems that he is almost happy. Almost.
Here, Ordinary Morgan, lover of one and father of three, walks out the door. The day outside is gray, but today is a good day for him today. His head is pounding now, so hard that it makes him grit his teeth as he walks to the station. Here is where he gets his train to work.
Now this is the part of the story where we learn that Ordinary Morgan isn't so ordinary. Inside his head buzzles and crackles like a broken TV. Static and he starts to laugh but it is cut off by a short sigh. Ordinary Morgan lays his head across the tracks and waits.
The End.
Here, Ordinary Morgan, lover of one and father of three, walks out the door. The day outside is gray, but today is a good day for him today. His head is pounding now, so hard that it makes him grit his teeth as he walks to the station. Here is where he gets his train to work.
Now this is the part of the story where we learn that Ordinary Morgan isn't so ordinary. Inside his head buzzles and crackles like a broken TV. Static and he starts to laugh but it is cut off by a short sigh. Ordinary Morgan lays his head across the tracks and waits.
The End.
Rambling 3
I just played video games for several hours. Sometimes I wish life was like a video game.
There are a lot of questions in life I want answered and lots that I don't. I guess sometimes its better to have no answers...
Writers Block.
There are a lot of questions in life I want answered and lots that I don't. I guess sometimes its better to have no answers...
Writers Block.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
My Mask
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Tuesday, July 12, 2011
The Best Way To Explain This Dream Is To Tell A Story
I WAS DAVE BOWMAN.
And that's all it said. She rubbed her eyes. Still...
I WAS DAVE BOWMAN.
"No... No. He's-" She didn't want to say "dead" because she didn't know. She tried at the radio control to contact the other ship Discovery was docked to. It buzzed and crackled like a broken TV set and then nothing. Only the silence of space. A silence you think a well trained astronaut such as herself would have been used to by now. She went back to the messages she had seen before in her mind.
HELLO.
She typed in the keyboard: WAS THIS A RECORDING?
And Hal said: NO.
WHO WAS IT SENT BY?
NO IDENTIFICATION.
Then the screen went black for a moment. Was this some cruel but altogether good humored joke of her co-workers? Simply messing with her head on another uneventful night watch? Then suddenly, the screen flickered.
I WAS DAVE BOWMAN.
And here she was now. Her eyes held wide in a trance, like a small child starring at a movie screen. Her body shook in the space suit that hardly fit. She looked and felt like a small child. At that moment she wanted to cry. Her heart and head felt as empty as space... "But is space truly empty?"
I NEED PROOF, HAL.
I KNOW THIS MAY SEEM DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND, BUT TURN AROUND.
Turn around. Lilly gave out a gasp of physical and mental shock. She was alone, save for Hal, but yet she felt a presence. A presence of something that could be very well considered human, if one looked hard enough. But what was there to see? She turned around slowly in her chair. Many speckles of dust swirled about in the ship but now they had the glow of another world. It slowly began to form outlines of a body, of a man, of a man in a space suit and finally, of David Bowman. "Hello Lilly."
His lips did not move but his voice seemed to be all around her. His facial expression was altogether unworldly. It showed no emotion and yet every emotion at the same time, as if they were in perfect balance with each other. The human brain could consider it "relief." for lack of a better word. She stood, slowly, afraid that the slightest movement would upset the fragile balance of these two worlds meeting for the first and maybe last time. Afraid that she, her world, would lose Dave Bowman once again to the starry universe from which he went and, now, came from.
"Are you dead?" Now she was indeed a child. Her body on the verge of collapse from shock and lack of sleep.
"I don't know, Lilly." he said. Lilly started to wonder why he was here. Maybe he forgot something? Could he take it with him if it was a physical thing? True, she had, has, loved him. But she never said anything. She didn't want to say anything. "Maybe I should now..."
"Is there something you must tell me, Dave?" It was strange hearing her voice now. It was soft as it had always been and she recalled all the times when Dave was in this world, whatever this world was, and him asking her to repeat herself all those years ago during her training.
Bowman, stood or floated, without saying anything for what seemed like forever to her but to him it was merely just a few second. Time doesn't matter when you have all the time in the world. "Yes Lilly. Don't be afraid."
But she was. Her eyes drifted toward his hands... if they were hands. They looked like human hands, like his hands. She reached hers out for his. It was hidden by a mass of space suit sleeve. The fingers poked out like white feathers. If Bowman could do what we call laughter, he would have now. She was indeed a child reaching out for his hand. He extended his own and in that moment the other world embraced the world that is filled with the creatures of flesh. His "skin" was cool and warm and yet nothing; it was everything. Lilly finally understood. Dave Bowman was the universe. She wanted to hug him and kiss him and cry to him but she could feel the meeting was soon to end. "Is this death, Dave?"
"I don't know." And then there came a voice, far greater than the both of theirs.
YOU ARE NOW BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND.
"Goodbye Lilly."
"Please don't go!" she yelled, desperate. He was alive! But... no. She must not kid herself. He was beyond something of human comprehension. The feeling, or lack there of, around her hand had died away; he had let go. The dust that had made Dave was made into dust once more swirling in its random patterns. She pressed her face toward the windows. Nothing but stars. Full of stars... she shivered at the thought of the human form of Dave Bowman's last words. Hal had been switched off as had everything else on Discovery. She walked down to Pod Bay in nothing but darkness. She could find her way around the ship with her eyes closed if needed. Her helmet sat where it was left. She picked it up and put it on. The hindges holding the door were loose, anyone could push them open. And thats what she did. She opened the doors and let go of the rail. Lilly began to drift out into free space. Earth seemed like such a small unimportant thing now. Everything seemed to be okay now. Everything was balanced. It was useless to try and bring Discovery back. Some parts in the universe are not ment for earthly eyes. That was understood now. "You're right Dave." she said aloud, hopefully to him. "It is full of stars." She was floating in them, becoming one of them. And so for the last time, Lilly closed her eyes and slept.
And that's all it said. She rubbed her eyes. Still...
I WAS DAVE BOWMAN.
"No... No. He's-" She didn't want to say "dead" because she didn't know. She tried at the radio control to contact the other ship Discovery was docked to. It buzzed and crackled like a broken TV set and then nothing. Only the silence of space. A silence you think a well trained astronaut such as herself would have been used to by now. She went back to the messages she had seen before in her mind.
HELLO.
She typed in the keyboard: WAS THIS A RECORDING?
And Hal said: NO.
WHO WAS IT SENT BY?
NO IDENTIFICATION.
Then the screen went black for a moment. Was this some cruel but altogether good humored joke of her co-workers? Simply messing with her head on another uneventful night watch? Then suddenly, the screen flickered.
I WAS DAVE BOWMAN.
And here she was now. Her eyes held wide in a trance, like a small child starring at a movie screen. Her body shook in the space suit that hardly fit. She looked and felt like a small child. At that moment she wanted to cry. Her heart and head felt as empty as space... "But is space truly empty?"
I NEED PROOF, HAL.
I KNOW THIS MAY SEEM DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND, BUT TURN AROUND.
Turn around. Lilly gave out a gasp of physical and mental shock. She was alone, save for Hal, but yet she felt a presence. A presence of something that could be very well considered human, if one looked hard enough. But what was there to see? She turned around slowly in her chair. Many speckles of dust swirled about in the ship but now they had the glow of another world. It slowly began to form outlines of a body, of a man, of a man in a space suit and finally, of David Bowman. "Hello Lilly."
His lips did not move but his voice seemed to be all around her. His facial expression was altogether unworldly. It showed no emotion and yet every emotion at the same time, as if they were in perfect balance with each other. The human brain could consider it "relief." for lack of a better word. She stood, slowly, afraid that the slightest movement would upset the fragile balance of these two worlds meeting for the first and maybe last time. Afraid that she, her world, would lose Dave Bowman once again to the starry universe from which he went and, now, came from.
"Are you dead?" Now she was indeed a child. Her body on the verge of collapse from shock and lack of sleep.
"I don't know, Lilly." he said. Lilly started to wonder why he was here. Maybe he forgot something? Could he take it with him if it was a physical thing? True, she had, has, loved him. But she never said anything. She didn't want to say anything. "Maybe I should now..."
"Is there something you must tell me, Dave?" It was strange hearing her voice now. It was soft as it had always been and she recalled all the times when Dave was in this world, whatever this world was, and him asking her to repeat herself all those years ago during her training.
Bowman, stood or floated, without saying anything for what seemed like forever to her but to him it was merely just a few second. Time doesn't matter when you have all the time in the world. "Yes Lilly. Don't be afraid."
But she was. Her eyes drifted toward his hands... if they were hands. They looked like human hands, like his hands. She reached hers out for his. It was hidden by a mass of space suit sleeve. The fingers poked out like white feathers. If Bowman could do what we call laughter, he would have now. She was indeed a child reaching out for his hand. He extended his own and in that moment the other world embraced the world that is filled with the creatures of flesh. His "skin" was cool and warm and yet nothing; it was everything. Lilly finally understood. Dave Bowman was the universe. She wanted to hug him and kiss him and cry to him but she could feel the meeting was soon to end. "Is this death, Dave?"
"I don't know." And then there came a voice, far greater than the both of theirs.
YOU ARE NOW BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND.
"Goodbye Lilly."
"Please don't go!" she yelled, desperate. He was alive! But... no. She must not kid herself. He was beyond something of human comprehension. The feeling, or lack there of, around her hand had died away; he had let go. The dust that had made Dave was made into dust once more swirling in its random patterns. She pressed her face toward the windows. Nothing but stars. Full of stars... she shivered at the thought of the human form of Dave Bowman's last words. Hal had been switched off as had everything else on Discovery. She walked down to Pod Bay in nothing but darkness. She could find her way around the ship with her eyes closed if needed. Her helmet sat where it was left. She picked it up and put it on. The hindges holding the door were loose, anyone could push them open. And thats what she did. She opened the doors and let go of the rail. Lilly began to drift out into free space. Earth seemed like such a small unimportant thing now. Everything seemed to be okay now. Everything was balanced. It was useless to try and bring Discovery back. Some parts in the universe are not ment for earthly eyes. That was understood now. "You're right Dave." she said aloud, hopefully to him. "It is full of stars." She was floating in them, becoming one of them. And so for the last time, Lilly closed her eyes and slept.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Rambling 2
I feel like just typing whatever comes into my head lately because poems or stories arn't really coming to mind. Well, I guess this could be considered one. Kool thang sittin' with a kitty... I really like Sonic Youth. I like a lot of music, too much music. Maybe. Such a thing? I'm bored of this.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Rambling
This is an attempt at uh... stream of thought writing. Yeah. Here we go. This is it. You know, that moment, yeah that one, will never happen again. Or that one. I could go on. Where is he? Its hard to act like you haven't been waiting for him to get back. Hard to act like you've been keeping busy with something when you've really just been looking at a screen for the past hour waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting in the later hours. Listening to New Order's "Ceremony" over and over because the drums beat as fast as my heart right now. Its been that fast since all of this happened. He knows I'm awake. He knows. Why am I frustrated? Why do I seem to get an insight on religion from 2001!? I need to stop asking questions and accept things as they are, right now because that's all there is. Is now. But this now is a slow one. I should try again to make contact... maybe? Has it even been five mintues? Stop asking questions. Just let it happen. Its harder than it sounds. Oh well. Heaven knows its got to be this time..... those words aren't my own. Actually I don't think anyones words are theirs since its an old language. Words are stolen not borrowed. Everyone is a theif.
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