It bothers me how I've taken so much from someone and now, after a fight for lack of a better word, I feel as if I have given nothing. And now lost it all. All I can do is ask for forgiveness. That's it. Not complete trust, just forgivness. It hurts to give that. I start to think about the old him. The one he said I don't know. Was that it? Blah. Does it matter? Does anything we've done matter? Its all been words and glances. But the words so meaningful. And the glaces long enough to remember. When he dies what will I do? There's relief in death because you know that person will never come back. There is none in this isolation because you know that person is out there. Usually a slash on the wrist would have fixed it and given me an excuse to hide. Now there is none. All I can do is wait and try and be hopeful. Hopeful that time will mend this, that I can mend this.

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